chadwick williams) black men...
very much like myself... some not.
black men whose voices are muted,
swept under the carpet,
silenced by secrecy.
the dl man blurs the lines between an otherwise
supposed clear distinction between gay and straight,
normal and abnormal,
moral and immoral.
like a child joining two bloodlines:
one dirty and one clean.
black men caught somewhere in between a definition
and a designation,
living in a gray area,
living on the down low.
.. qualified to sing my life chronicles ..
.. than me ..
.. who better more qualified ..
- .. to sing my life .. - .. sing my life, sing my life ..
.. sing my life, sing my life ..
breathing heavily)
groans)
williams) lt seems weīve been in training all our lives.
we are taught as children how to play games that reinforce social constructs,
that hone our skills of deception.
when we played īīhouseīī or īīhide and seek,īī
we were, in fact, practicing for adulthood.
so itīs understandable why, in our adult lives,
we so easily fall back into game playing.
after all, itīs what weīve been taught.
- groans) - alarm clock beeping)
baby steps.
williams) meet mark watts.
both chuckle)
sighs) so...
weīre really gonna do it this time, huh?
y ep.
so long to the fake room,
hello to our new office.
oh, man.
this is a big step.
y ou sure youīre ready?
y eah.
y eah, līm ready.
coming out isnīt easy.
l know.
l know, but...
lf your scary little ass can do it, so can l.
oh, baby.
l gotta call my mom.
īcause she should be the first to know.
l agree.
well, anyways,
letīs go ahead and make a toast.
to new beginnings.
hey.
come here.
doorbell rings)
y ou expecting somebody?
nah-uh.
doorbell)
what up, cousin?
terrell? y eah!
hey! hey, man, thatīs a nice crib.
y ou gonna let me in?
laughs)
damn, this is a fresh pad, man. dang. shoot.
hey, whatīs up? y ou must be the roommate dīandre.
dante. y eah, dante.
my bad. līm terrell, markyīs favorite cousin.
all right, cool. hey, man! check this out.
l hope you ainīt trippinī with me cominī without callinī,
but l need a place to stay.
regina put me out.
uh...
how did you find me, t?
oh, your mom gave me the address.
l took the first bus this morning from l.a., man.
līm happy to see you, cuz.
how long has it been? four or five years, something like that?
l canīt remember.
so itīs cool if l crash, right?
uh...
līm gonna go start the room.
heīs gonna start the room.
why are you not staying at your momīs, t?
oh, she put me out, too.
talking about how l ate up all her cornbread.
why are not staying with regina?
oh, man, sheīs complaining too much.
talking about, you know, she wants commitment,
telling me līm lazy, l need to get a job.
jobs are for suckers.
y eah, but you never had a job, though.
thatīs bullshit, man.
hey, man, look, l put a couple of job aps up in īfrisco.
shitīs tight in l.a.,
so l just need to stay a couple of weeks--
oh, no, no, no-- hey, look! check it out!
got a ten spot right here.
l ainīt gonna stay for free neither.
y ou know what līm talkinī about.there you go.
right-- y eah, thatīs right.
whereīs the cable?
dante, heīs not staying that long.
lf it was just a few days, līd be cool with it,
but youīre talking about a few weeks.
what do you want me to do?
tell him to go stay somewhere else.
l...
l canīt do that. thatīs my cousin.
well, l canīt go around pretending to be your roommate for that long.
y ou know what?
y ou can be so damn selfish sometimes.
mark, līm going to work.
when l get home...
l want this figured out.
oh, okay.
so līll figure it out.
hey, man, itīs gonna be like some old times, huh, marky?
y eah, l guess, man.
hey, man you and me up late,
clubbinī, parties, women.
hey, t, help me get this stuff out of the way before dante gets home.
y eah, all right.
ls something wrong, cuz?
hey, look, man, l can find another place to go.
could you?
hey, man, you know l got nowhere else to go.
y ou know what? ltīs cool, though.
thereīs a gazebo at the park--
t--t, look...
y ou know l was just playinī, right?
y ou sure?
hey, look, l know your boy donīt want me here.
no, itīs not that. he just, uh...
likes his neutral spaces to stay neutral.
y ou know, uh...
your boy seems a little broke in the wrist.
look, man...
thereīs something l need to tell you.
he is, isnīt he? oh, l knew it, man!
howīd you end up with a queer for a roommate?
oh, līm gonna tell your mom, man! what?
oh, okay--no!
y o, t, t, t, dante is not gay.
that boy pull more bitches than l do.
what, to exchange beauty tips, man?
man, l know a fudge packer when see one, please.
chuckles) all right.
hold up, hold up, hold up.
are you and dante-- are you--
oh, hell no! t--t...
get that out of your head right now.
oh. man.
oh, man. see, l was about to say, man...
oh, man.
l swear, that would have been too much for me to take, man.
l would have had to tell your mom, man.
shit, l would have to kill you, man.
this would have been a whole mess. dang!
- cell phone rings) - hold up.
ring)
hold up, man.
speak.
no. no, gina.
no, l ainīt cominī back!
well, you should have thought about that before you--
līm at my cuzīs, all right?
no, weīre gonna handle this tomorrow.
gina, no...
speaking spanish)
d, l already know what youīre gonna say,
but trust me, l had no other choice.
mark, līm not staying in this room, man.
well, then l will.
what are you so afraid of?
līm afraid of losing people.
l got a lot of family and friends that look up to me.
announcer on tv) and with one minute left to go in the game,
the score remains exactly 97-98.
hey, man youīre missing the game, man.
can l talk to you for a second?
canīt this wait until after the game?
no, it canīt.
what, youīre not into basketball?
- not per se. - football.
y ou probably one of them football cats, huh?
not really.
baseball? no.
soccer? no.
golf? hockey? womenīs volleyball?
tennis.
he likes tennis.
tennis.
y eah.
ltīs the shit.
man.
that guyīs mighty strange.
now l know youīre not calling nobody strange, t.
hey, man, you wanna get your ass whupped at some īībones?īī
no, bro, l gotta go to work, man.
oh, yeah.
thatīs right, man. mr. paramedic, yo.
ha!
at least thereīs one doctor in the family.
man, l am not a doctor.
oh, the hell you ainīt, man.
take off work and see donīt somebody die, huh?
y eah, man.
l look up to you, marky.
no, man, really.
y ou always have everything l wanted, man,
like good grades...
good hair, man, and good women.
ltīs a phat apartment.
y ou know what, t, man?
everything is not what it always appears to be.
what you mean, man?
- cell phone rings) - terrell--
y o, hold that thought, cuz.
- someoneīs blowing me up. - ring)
oh, snap.
hold that thought, cuz.
hey, whatīs up?
y eah, līm just chillinī over here at cuzīs.
announcer on tv) the second one falls in, too.
time-out called on the court.
oh! l need to get me a pair of those kicks.
ltīs a dope jacket, too.
l like the boots, too. those boots are flash.
dang! l need to ask marky to lend me some money
so l can get some kicks!
- hey, terrell. - hey, whatīs up, man?
could you keep it down a little?
oh. y eah, man, yeah. my bad.
thanks.
y ou in a better mood?
līm cool.
y ou wanna talk about it?
nah. good night.
y ou play īībones?īī
domino.
what? man!
whatīd you do that for, man?
man.
thatīs some bullshit, man.
y ou just took me out of my three-month-long streak.
whereīd you lean to play like that?
mark taught me. oh, yeah?
mm-hmm. huh!
thatīs cool.
so, uh...
how long you been roommates?
uh...about three years.
ah.
thatīs a long time, man.
y ou ever think about getting your own place?
uh, not anytime soon.
rent is expensive in san francisco.
canīt afford to go solo yet.
y eah, but you know,
it must be crampinī your style having a roommate,
what with the honeys and everything.
laughs)
y eah, you know, you canīt throw shit,
kick the walls or nothing.
y ou know what līm sayinī?
so how do you know my cuz anyway?
we went to school together.
school. thatīs--thatīs-- thatīs fresh, man. thatīs fresh.
y eah.
ltīs a nice pad.
y ou ever think about getting softer couches?
when we moved in here, we thought the place was kinda small.
so we bought a small couch.
l get that.
when we sat on it at the store, it was cool.
but then when we brought it home, it felt like bricks.
then we decided we liked the windows,
so we kept the frames the way they were,
and we actually didnīt make any changes to it.
we hated the wall color-- we didnīt want to spend more--
we just got adjusted to it.
we bought a new oven-- weīve done very well--
we...we...we...we...we...
we!
we.
...and we just made it work.
y ou all right?
y eah. y eah, man, līm okay.
well, līm going to bed.
check you out tomorrow.
.... classical)
vinyl record scratches)
hereīs some blankets.
oh, yeah. thanks.
nice and neat. thanks. um...
good night.
he is gay as a motherfucker.
d?
hi, baby.
līm so sorry.
l told him he could stay.
thank you, baby.
- cell phone rings) - oh, shit!
ring)
whispering) whatīs up?
no, no, no, man. līm asleep, man.
no. look, weīll talk about this tomorrow. something went wrong.
terrell) no. y ou know what time it is right now, okay?
go to sleep.
no, no-- y eah, yeah...yeah.
no--yeah, yeah. ltīs all good.
knock on door)
knock)
hey. hey.
whatīs up? l thought you were asleep.
uh, yeah, yeah. can l talk to you for a minute?
y eah. whatīs up? um...
līm convinced that your boyīs gay, man.
y ou came here just to tell me that?
look, man, līm serious. my gaydar is state-of-the-art.
t, līm telling you right now,
d is not gay.
man, youīre just blind to the facts.
good night, t. hey, man--
hey, man you better lock this door.
weīre having company tomorrow.
marky! reggie!
whatīs up, man? cool.
surprised? hell yeah!
y ouīre the man.
t told me you was out here, man.
so you know as soon as l was in town,
l had to come see my boy.
how you been, man?
līm cool. how you been?
y ou know, man.
smokinī and blinginī.
thatīs all there is, baby.
okay, so what you down here for?
reggieīs cutting his demo.
y eah, yeah. oh, yeah?
tryinī to get my fame on, you know.
whatīs up, man?
- y eah, this is my-- - reggie.
- whatīs up? dante. - y eah. cool.
what you all negroes wanna do tonight?
larryīs classy lady.
- larryīs classy lady, huh? - y eah.
man, whatever. all right, whatīs up?
uh...
so hurry up and get dressed. letīs go, man.
hurry up so we can go.
laughs)
y eah.
okay, man.
hey, you about ready?
who is he again?
uh...
heīs just a friend from the old neighborhood.
okay.
could you, uh... beef it up tonight?
what?
y ou know, youīve been, uh... a little sloppy lately.
whatīs that supposed to mean?
lt means that youīre doing something
that had my cousin thinking that youīre gay.
where did this come from?
l donīt know, but that boyīs convinced.
all līm saying is-- laughs)
all līm saying is, dante, just keep it tight, all right?
here, let me fix your shirt.
just keep it tight.
līm gonna go ahead and chill with the fellas, all right?
.... r & b)
.. mm-hmm ..
y eah, remember when terrell put the water hose
in mr. bakerīs mailbox?
oh, man! l forgot about that shit, man!
man, we were some bad little motherfuckers, man.
oh, shit.
remember tanya? tanya?
mark remembers tanya, donīt you, marky?
no.
come on, man, tanya laurie?
mark) uh-uh.
īībobbing for applesīī tanya?
- oh. - y eah, yeah.
l knew it would come to you.
y eah, l remember her. she was fine as hell, huh?
l know, right? y eah.
man, mark used to get all the bad bitches back in the day.
ls that still how it is, marky?
huh? hmm?
- do ducks still quack? - thatīs my boy!
thatīs my boy!
laughs)
man) work it! work it!
oh, man.
lf they start v oguing, man, līm out.
ainīt there girls in this place, man?
thatīs what līve been waiting on.
check the one in the gold, man.
sheīs magnificent, man.
y ou think you can hit that, marky?
ah...no.
līm gonna leave that for you, playboy.
aw.
man, you know sheīs out of my league, a little bit, player.
thatīs more your speed.
or your man dante over here.
sheīs bad.
but not my type.
oh, man, please.
women are your type.
all right, all right.
terrell) oh, shit, man.
that oneīs for you, player.
that oneīs for you.
go on, man, sheīs begginī for it.
come on, man.
get your ass over there, letīs go.
līll tell your mom.
there you go.
but yīall know how l used to do, right?
used to do? thatīs the word.
used to do.
change that from past tense.
man, that nigger still gets all the women, huh?
damn.
not all, player.
thereīs still one more left.
are you okay?
huh?
y eah. līm cool.
y ou want another drink?
sure.
what can l get you guys?
līll take a gin and tonic and... what you want?
v odka, straight up.
okay. gin and tonic, vodka, straight up.
līm fucked up, man.
what are you talking about?
thatīs a gin and tonic, vodka, straight up.
thanks, man.
l know about you, man.
what do you know?
l know.
oh, yeah.
y eah. l brought you here to fuck with you, man.
y ou know, fuck with your head?
oh, yeah, thatīs right.
y ou see, the funny part is is, like, uh...
līm the one whoīs fucked up.
y eah.
y eah, l used to have this guy who used to live up the street from me, man.
always acted like a little girl, you know what līm sayinī?
like, he didnīt give a fuck.
l couldnīt stand seeing him.
y eah.
y ou see, the fucked up part about it is...
l hated what l saw in him.
l hated him...
because he was just like me.
williams) meet terrell wiggins.
fuck me!
l canīt even stay in a relationship for more than five minutes
because l canīt decide if l like pussy or dick more.
y ou know what līm sayinī?
hey, man, you canīt tell mark, all right?
dante?
līm sorry, but l...
l canīt do this.
damn, l gotta piss, man!
dante.
līm sorry, baby. l didnīt mean for that to happen.
look...
y ou need to tell terrell whatīs up.
līm not ready for that, d. y ou know that!
ltīs not gonna be as hard as you think.
y ou think you know everything, donīt you?
līm telling you, heīs not gonna be cool with this.
cool with what, man?
t. huh?
y ou and mark should talk.
uh, about what?
about what you told me.
ltīs cool.
trust me.
chuckles nervously)
all right.
well...what dante and l were talking about was, uh...
uh...
mumbles)
what we were saying...
was, uh...
with--with him being gay, uh...
ltīs not that, uh...
ltīs not-- itīs not cool,
you know what līm sayinī?
y eah. and--and, you know,
itīs--itīs a sin.
what are you--
no, for real, man! all right?
līm a little uncomfortable with you being like that.
l just prefer you just stay away from me.
y ouīre kinda nasty--
all, right, all right. fuck this!
all right, t, you wanna know the truth?
dante and l...
have been in a relationship for the past three years.
there you go.
doorbell rings)
whatīs up, yīall?
hey, uh...
līm headed back to l.a. tomorrow, man. līm out.
y eah. uh, cool, man.
so thatīs it, man.
y eah. all right.
l wanna work on the tracks, man.
nah, man.
y our heartīs not in it.
no, l mean it, man,
l wanna work on that collab, man.
then it has to be for real this time.
y eah, l know. l know.
līm for real, man.
williams) meet reginald stokes.
y ou gotta be fucking kidding me.
well, l guess this is it, huh?
y eah.
donīt make this shit sappy, man.
gimme some love, man!
all right.
come on, d. y ou, too, dante, man, come on!
letīs see what you got.
oh, man!
laughing)
bye, regina.
all right, man. laughs)
see ya later.
love you guys, man.
l love you, too, man.
and, mark, the secretīs safe with me.
l appreciate that.
same here, baby.
oh, cool. thanks.
well...
y eah...later, faggots.
laughs)
we gotta plane to catch, man.
- y ou ready? - y eah, man.
all right.
hey.
baby steps.
williams) the paradox when playing the ultimate game,
the game of life,
is that you canīt quit.
y ou canīt throw in your hand.
y et the only way to win the game
is to stop playing.
.... latin)
mark) hey, momma, how you doing?
woman) marky?
y eah, yeah, itīs me. how you doing?
uh...
l got something l need to tell you.
okay, baby, l already know you gay.
terrell done already told me.
phone hits table)
terrell!
closed-captioned by j.r. media services, lnc. burbank, ca